Raven locks

Will I be okay? In this lifetime? Will it be enough? For your todays and tomorrows? Am I a lot? Should I be less? I don't want to be. Will that be a deal breaker? Should I unlearn my needs? Or was there any needs at all? What if I am overcome with them? What if I was the problem all this time? What if I kept quiet and stayed quiet? Would I have been strong then? Will it be less pathetic if it all ended with me? If I didn't drag you too into me? I won’t be set up for failures if I don't have expectations. Maybe I should just be grateful as they say? Will that make it easy? Am i bothersome? Should i share less? Will that make it seem like i am cribbing less? Maybe i am self-centered? Selfish, like the mother says? But what more is left of me to give? Should i be less of me so others can be more of them? I did that before. But they didn't become better, just tried to drag me down more.  Should i not talk? Why tho? Am i being petulant?  Why not? Maybe i should feel less? Th...

I tried really hard to make you my muse , but my words failed me. I tried to bite through the pain your 'love' instilled in me, but I failed. I tried to look past the jump scares in our uncoordinated horror story ; I failed. I tried to unburden some of our choice encounters to my loved ones, but my body betrayed me. Some know a quarter of it, some a half. But no one knows the entirety. My throat clogs up when I think of you. My brain shuts down when I want to recollect "us. " Maybe there was never an "us," just you. I dreamt about you the other day; I woke up with a start. I relived a night in your claws in an interlude of my nap. Do you remember how I used to flinch away from your touch? Drift away in between "our" intimacy? Cry out loud to spare me a speck of kindness? The number of No's and then the strangled Yes that was coaxed out of me? Do you remember me curling on my bed with a pain that almost killed me? Do you remember taking me then ...