Eyelashes

When I was a kid someone told me to make a wish on the lashes that fall out of my eyes. I mean for a person who used to believe in tooth fairy and collect my milk teeths to be kept under the pillows I thought this was true. After that every time my lashes fall I made a wish. Those were very trivial ones but they made me happy when it came true or the momentarily bliss of making the wish at the right time and blowing the lashes off and seeing they did disappear to make my wish true was priceless then. That was what? When I was like 5 or so. Five or six years after I was skeptical about this whole wish thing. But seeing my wishes come true gave me a weird satisfaction so I tried to work hard for the goals that I made my wish for. Years passed and the lethargy of late adolescence kicked in and I pretty much wished for nothing anymore. I saw my lashes falling off and growing back. It's funny I even urged people to make a wish when they take their lashes in their palm. But all through the years even in my stupid post teen existence I constantly wished for you. Its soo stupid I know. I know this is the only wish that i cannot work myself to. This is the only wish that will never come true but still I did. I wished for you to be happy in my innocent chubby 6 year old self because you were important for me. I wished for you to be okay and healthy in my not so innocent 16 years. I still wish them though. That's when I thought about the absurdity of this all. It's soo foolish but I preferred to be a fool with you rather than being sane and laughable. Since bathrooms are the hotspots where wisdom blooms for a middle class child I had my revelations usually under my shower.  That's why when I look at my wall mirror I see someone barely familiar staring back at me. Smile washed away ...deprived sleep inking dark circles under the favorite part of my face. Angry red blotch on the tip of my nose and pimples that I let to fester up to sadistically prick into. I see a ghost of my happy past lurking over my shoulder but I also see the dead me standing in front of the mirror. I knew I was leaving myself to be content in the bubble that my stoned self call as hope. But in cannot runaway anymore. Cannot hide neither can I seek out something that never was or is or ever will be mine. I am soo tired of this hide and seek you know? Soo tired that's why when my lashes fall out to my full cheeks I watched it getting washed away in the steady flow of my shower. I imagined its course and never left my eyes from my cheeks. And the fact that I remain the same in my mirror without that lashes or the wish or you helped me get through the trance I was in. Saying all this I still know that even if i dont make a wish anymore each eyelashes of mine that fall off to the emptiness will remind me of you. 

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