Raven locks

Childhood is a beautiful illusion that all of us want to go back to. Almost all of the Romantics lamented about their long lost past and lone gone childhood. A constant longing to be carefree and careless. Rather than the scoldings  here and the annual exams in a way tormenting the light off the kids..they dont have deadlines to meet and targets to complete. This is a two way road too. As Freud would say as much as the elders want to trace back to their childhood, the child too want to run off to a future taht is awaiting them ...to find out that there is nothing exemplary there like they thought. When I was a kid every guests who came to our school for Christmas celebration would constantly lecture about the importance of childhood. How they wish to ho back in time to the 'good old days' which now we understand there was nothing like those  'good' old days. It's all an illusion. A mirage that appears beautiful from a distance. All these years even it is adulthood o...

When I was a kid someone told me to make a wish on the lashes that fall out of my eyes. I mean for a person who used to believe in tooth fairy and collect my milk teeths to be kept under the pillows I thought this was true. After that every time my lashes fall I made a wish. Those were very trivial ones but they made me happy when it came true or the momentarily bliss of making the wish at the right time and blowing the lashes off and seeing they did disappear to make my wish true was priceless then. That was what? When I was like 5 or so. Five or six years after I was skeptical about this whole wish thing. But seeing my wishes come true gave me a weird satisfaction so I tried to work hard for the goals that I made my wish for. Years passed and the lethargy of late adolescence kicked in and I pretty much wished for nothing anymore. I saw my lashes falling off and growing back. It's funny I even urged people to make a wish when they take their lashes in their palm. But all through t...

It's like falling from some safe space. Any safe space or a mindset. It's very draining. My whole day will be uneventful even if it is eventful I cannot make myself to think it to be one. Lying down on a rug would help me be sane for the day but ofcourse living with your family includes the perks of compromising your personal space. I know the 'they love you they care for you' argument very well. They do. I am not saying they don't. But leaving me alone for sometime with no questions would be ecstatic for my 3 am ready for another anxiety attack mind. But the fact that your people never try to understand you is painful. Me telling my mum that I am getting depressed or I am going nuts and  she will be like dont act like this you are just making up shit. Wow I mean the woman who gave birth to me cannot get me then whom do I expect to? Sure some very precious people in my life does get me. But again there is this conscience of being a nuisance to others that weigh down...

We are such fucked up people! don't you think? Yes we are. We had no start neither a closure and I don't even know if we had an end. We just used eachother to fuck our loneliness out. I know not literally Darling but whatever we did we did it with full conciousness of two grown up adults who loves acting oblivious and stupid. Every single time we made it sure though that we didn't mean anything more than the 'title' we shared in the society. More or less you made it clear to me and I know you don't feel nothing about me. I know you think that I am some naive kid who is sexually frustrated and maybe 'easy' enough for you to prod in on your beck and call. Ignore whenever you want and seek me whenever you please. I cant blame you because you haven't seen me what I am with others neither do you have a single freaking clue on what I am to you. Oh I am nothing to you isn't it? I know. You make that clear for me every day.  And still I come back to the ...